Dearest Mr.,There is something I must tell you. It has been on my heart since I was old enough to some-what understand its seriousness and meaning for my life and the world. It has taken some time to surface from the well of my heart with such clarity. We have talked about this casually and in circles, but my seemingly muddy thoughts are more concrete than ever. This is about sex, the household topic of taboo - the media's hot topic. I feel it approptiate for us to think seriously and honestly of this topic as the purpose of our dating one another is to seriously consider each other as possible life-mates. I took a class on human sexuality and the author's of the book said something that stood out in my mind (I'm sorry, but I'm not getting out of my chair to cite them). Hear what they said: "Our world treats sexuality in a cavalier manner, where human beings are objectified and cheapened". This saddens me deeply and to the point of almost despair. How can something so beautiful hurt so many people, why might it hurt me? Okay I get it, sex gives our bodies a pleasure incomparable to any other bodily sensation. This is amazing, I know! But please people, at what cost to our hearts, our minds, or children, our world? At what cost is it worthwhile? Here is what I think: sex shouldn't cost; there should be no expense involved, whatsoever. Young children should not be forced into child pornography for the worth of private masturbation. Young children and women should not be forced into sexual slavery for the worth of sex with the innocent. Mentally unhealthy individuals should not use their bodies to have meaningless sex with others, nor should they allow others to do the same to them at the worth of a paycheck. Moreover, our democracy shouldn't allow pornography at the worth of profit and so-called freedom of expression. How is this a representation of freedom when it enslaves those whom partake in its offerings?
I know that I have spoken of the extremities of sexual irresponsibility, so let me speak less extreme: sex for the sake of sex, i.e. casual sex among every day people. Well let's see. We know that the leading cause of unwanted pregnancies in the world is unprotected sex. We also know that unprotected sex is the leading cause of the spread of aids and other STDs. But wait one might say, "I can have protected sex, in a relationship". Yes one may, but again at what cost? We know many people become pregnant by not using birth control methods correctly. Many others have gotten STDs for not using condoms while they or their partners are using a birth control method. Not to mention the laundry list of mental, physical, and biological risks associated with contraceptives. We also know that premature sex has the potential to destroy respect in a relationship that might otherwise be healthy. We know sex can contribute to the loss of a person's self love and respect. We know that "casual sex" desensitizes our hearts; consequently causing us to devalue the act of sex and one another. Lastly, sex with multiple people simply makes some of us saddened and uncomfortable, for we feel it harms our dignity. Moreover, it's unfortunate that many people will never experience sex in its highest degree, which is in my opinion when it continues to feel better (physically and spiritually) because it is shared between two people whom will continue to grow more deeply in love. I know, these are all extreme examples, which leads me to the conclusion: there is no avoiding the extremity of sex. Something can never be "casual" when it has the potential to carry such grave responsibility and disheartening consequence.
Whew, now that I have established this in my mind, I must ask this of myself: If sex shouldn't happen at an expense, when should it happen? I've come to believe that it should only happen where there is an ability to gain, and only to gain. Even inside of a life commitment to another person, sex is ONLY healthy when the two people involved are emotionally healthy and grounded in respect, trust and friendship. The two should also have a mutual concern for each other's sexual preferences. There should be no guilt or obligation involved. Lastly, each sexual encounter should be approached with this fundamental question: "will a decision to engage in a sexual relationship with this person enhance my positive feelings about myself and this person? Is it consistent with my values and my life goals?" I know, this is ideal. It is also conservative. It is difficult, inconvenient, and in today's world its simply unrealistic. It is also loving, self-preserving, forward-thinking, respectable and responsible. Lastly, it is my heart's desire. Not all people have the opportunity to choose how they express their sexuality, and I will argue that most people don't think deeply about their sexuality. Both contributions to the cheapening and objectification of ourselves and one another.
I included the picture of the monkeys because it demonstrates a point that I'd like to make of my life. Do I not hear? Do I not see? Do I not speak? We as humans have the ability to not only hear but comprehend and listen to stories of joy and suffering. We have the ability to see beauty and plight. We have the ability to speak of these things. What more am I than my primate cousins unless I live my potential?
I have the ability to choose and I choose to do what inspires me. I choose to live my life as an example for how I wish others would have the opportunity and courage to live theirs. I choose this not only because I love myself, but because I love you, I love my future husband (if I get married), I love my children (if I'm ever to have them), I love my family and friends, and I love humanity. Where will I find the strength to live my ideals? I will live them by faith. I have faith that love wins out in the end. This isn't easy for me and it never will be, not in this reality. Even if you disagree with me on some of this, I need you to empathize with the responsibility that I bear. Mr., I have always wanted this, I need this. I want your support and I desire for you to uphold me as one whom respects and appreciates me would do. If you cannot help me with this as my love then I ask you to do it as my friend. In return I promise you that my love will be strong enough to support your heart and your ability to grow and inspire others as well. Thank you for reading, and thank you for considering my thoughts.
